SLAP! 2016 Review + 2017 Preview

As we start the new year, we’d like to take the opportunity to review some of what’s been happening at Singapore Learn and Play (SLAP!) during 2016 and talk about what is coming up in 2017.

On top of the discussions,workshops, parties, and rope socials facilitated by the SLAP! mods, we introduced some new formats last year, such as the Kink Geeks Dinner and the D/s Social.

At SLAP!, it has always been our goal to serve as a peer education platform for the Singapore BDSM community, and over the past year, we have had the privilege of hosting workshops by both local and foreign presenters/teachers.

  • YES! How to listen to and say it during kinky fun times by Shivre
  • Introduction to Needleplay and Play Piercing by Foxy
  • The Art and Beauty of Semenawa (責め縄) by subay
  • Rope Clinic by Taniguchi and Kiriko
  • Spanking by Kiriko
  • Caning by PrincessAmmy
  • Fetisch Film Festival screening and discussion

In the coming year, we would like to keep our workshops and events relevant to your needs, and to continue to draw on the diverse skills, talents, and interests of the community.

How you can help

  • Skill-shares,workshops, and discussions: There is such a diversity of kinky talents and interests within the community. We’d like YOU to step up and share your knowledge with the rest of the community to help all of us “level up” together.
  • Event spaces: We are always looking for appropriate spaces (at appropriate prices!) to host our events, be it for discussions, lecture workshops, hands-on workshops, rope spaces, etc. If you know of any kink-friendly spaces or are willing to let us use your private spaces, let us know! We’d be glad to provide references.

SLAP! would like to invite you, as a member of our wonderful community, to get in touch with us at sglearnplay@gmail.com or one of the SLAP! team if you can contribute in one of these ways!

What would you like to know more about?

Tell us more about the topics you’d like us to cover. Some events we’re likely to have in the coming year:

  • Erotic photography, from both sides of the lens
  • Connective body movement
  • Wax play
  • Electro-play
  • Movie discussions
  • Rope and D/s socials
  • Impact play
  • Rope
  • Fetisch Film Festival screening and discussion
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Privacy: How to Protect Yours

For many kinksters, privacy is a key concern. However, while there is no foolproof way to maintain your privacy, there are many small steps that you can take to safeguard your identity online. It is relatively trivial to piece together someone’s identity using multiple small pieces of information that can be cross-referenced and linked together. Whilst someone knowing your real first name is unlikely to figure out your identity, knowing your occupation, profile name, and your first name is going to make it much easier for someone to link something up.

In this guide, I’m going to focus on protecting your identity online, and leave the IP anonymity tips to the experts. As I live in Singapore, some of the tips are in the local context, however, I think most should be applicable globally.

Profiles

  • Don’t use the same kinky profile name that you’ve used anywhere else for any non-kink related social media, game, forum, blog, etc. I’ve had a few kinky friends use their kink names for games like Ingress/PokemonGo (GPS-tracking games… what could go wrong here…)
  • Don’t reuse your profile descriptions from OKCupid, Tinder or other vanilla dating sites
  • Kinky “profiles” include Fetlife, Recon, the instant messenger client you choose to use (kik, telegram, Line, wechat, etc), your email address (the part before the @).
  • Create a set of email/messenger accounts that will purely be used for kinky purposes, and are not linked to your vanilla identity.
  • Fetlife’s history feature will also show your previous username if it hasn’t scrolled off. So if you joined the site using an easily identifiable username, I would advise you to start a new account instead of changing the username.

Phone numbers

  • For convenience, many of us give out our phone numbers for whatsapp, SMS or voice contact.
  • Facebook. Don’t give Facebook your phone number. Even if you don’t give Facebook access to your address book or contact list, if your phone number appears in someone else’s address book, Facebook will use this information to make friend suggestions. If you have your face showing in your Facebook photo, someone just found out your real name.
  • Reverse lookups are not terribly difficult to do for phone numbers
  • Your whatsapp name will appear when sending whatsapp messages to new contacts. As I give my number out to both vanilla and kinky folk, I use generic emoji instead of a name in whatsapp. My whatsapp profile photo doesn’t have my face or identifying information.
  • Don’t use messengers that link your phone number for kinky purposes.
  • For maximum privacy, use a burner phone number for kink, preferably pre-paid, and linked only to a dumbphone. That said, the Singapore government requires your ID to be recorded whenever you buy a pre-paid SIM card. Google Voice numbers allow you to have multiple numbers on a single phone.

Pictures/Videos/Images

  • Don’t use any pictures on FL that have ever appeared on any other non-kink related social media. This includes photos of your dog, faceless vanilla photos, etc. Reverse image searches (such as Tineye, Google Image Search) are surprisingly powerful.
  • Don’t have a face photo as the profile photo on your Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn etc. This will make it harder for people to simply browse for your profile if they’ve somehow managed to find out your real name
  • Be careful about identifying marks/information in your photos. This could include jewelry, tattoos, unique scars, etc.
  • Be wary of appearing in the background of photos taken during kink events. Look out for mirrors as well.
  • Strip metadata from your pictures before sending/posting them. Fetlife does this, but if you want to be extra careful, you should use appropriate programs to strip metadata from your photos. Metadata can include the type of device used to take the photo, the GPS location (often your home)
  • Cropped photos often retain the original image in the metadata. It is best to either strip the metadata, or crop out features when taking the photo itself.

Your Job/School

  • This usually comes up during conversation with kinksters that you’ve just met. This is such a common ice-breaking question during vanilla introductions that many people just default to it during kink introductions as well. I politely deflect the question, and if pressed, I just say “no”.
  • Be vague about the industry you work in, and be really careful about naming the exact company that you work for

Things lying in plain sight

  • If you are hosting a play session, you might want to sanitize your home of anything that might reveal sensitive information.
  • This might include: mail, business cards, bank statements, personal correspondence, T-shirts/bags/caps with your company name on it, magazines, Redmart delivery bags, etc
  • Don’t leave your phone lying around during play. Messages often show up on the lock screen, with your vanilla profile name showing.
  • Don’t pass your phone to someone. Messages/emails from your vanilla account might pop up while they are looking at that pretty picture of you in rope.

Transit hotels in Singapore

  • If you use a transit hotel in Singapore for a short-term booking (2+ hours), both of you will be required to hand over your identity documents to the counter staff. If you’re not comfortable with that, don’t use these venues.
  • In addition, the counter staff will simply hand both cards back to one of you when they are done scanning the data. If you don’t want your play partner to know your real name, address, age, NRIC number, etc, you might want to be the one picking the cards up.

Do let me know if you have any further tips and suggestions.

Guide to Singapore BDSM Events

I’ve gotten quite a few questions about the various kink events that regularly happen in the Singapore BDSM scene. The scene has grown rapidly in the last 3 years, and we now have 4-5 kink events happening regularly each month! Yay for choice!

I’ve put down my personal thoughts about the events I regularly attend. Arranged in calendar order. Please feel free to share your own thoughts about the events in the comments.

Singapore Learn And Play (SLAP!)

Type: Education
Venue: Depends on type of event.
When: 1st Saturday of each month. Late afternoon to evenings.
Dress code: Vanilla to the door. Check specific event rules.
Cost: Depends on event. Some events are free.
Audience: 18+/21+ (see SLAP! guidelines). LGBTQA friendly.

If you want to have a safe place to learn more about kink, this is a good place to start. Discussion groups are focused, moderated discussions to share and learn from each other. SLAP runs regular kink 101 discussions targeted towards newbies as well.

Rope and D/s socials are other peer learning formats that SLAP facilitates for the community to learn from each other in an informal setting.

Workshops and skill-shares (conducted by your peers or by visiting experts) are more structured learning experiences. These range from lecture-style, to workshops with demos, and hands-on workshops.

FULL DISCLOSURE. I facilitate SLAP!, but I’ve also found my own skills/knowledge improving as I’ve attended our workshops. It’s fun to eat your own cooking

How to attend

Join the SLAP! group on Fetlife to get notifications about their events. Each event will have its own Google form that you’ll have to fill up to register. (Fetlife event RSVPs don’t count, but are good for telling your friends you’ll be attending). Discussions and 101s are open to all, but other events require vouching. (See SLAP! guidelines).

Links

SG Under 35

Type: Traditional Munch.
Venue: Public. Restaurants and bars.
When: 2nd Saturday evening of each month, 6:30pm – 10:00pm
Dress code: Vanilla casual.
Cost: What you order. Mains (~$15-$30)
Audience: 18 – 35 year olds. LGBTQA friendly.

The U35 munch gives me a safe, comfortable vibe, and I use it primarily to catch up with friends and to make new ones. This is a classic munch, in terms of style. By this, I mean that if you randomly pick a munch in a big western city, the restaurant/bar format in a vanilla setting is the most common and traditional format.

There are a lot of newbies each munch, so newbies don’t need to worry about being the only new person in the group. Attendees are friendly to newcomers and the mods take pains to clamp down on creepy/predatory behavior at the munches. U35 mods will also conduct a short kink basics talk that covers safety, etiquette, consent, and other topics during the munch itself.

You’ll find a wide range of topics going on in the numerous conversations you’ll have throughout the evening. Once most people are done with their meals, they will circulate around to mingle.

How to attend

Join the SG Under 35 group on Fetlife to get notifications about their events. Fetlife events are usually posted 1-2 weeks before the event. RSVP on the Fetlife event at least 5 days before the event and you should get an invite with the location 2-3 days before the event.

Links

Sunday Munch, Adult Supervision Singapore

Type: Traditional Munch.
Venue: Public. Restaurants and bars.
When: 3rd Sunday afternoon of each month, 3:00pm – 6:00pm
Dress code: Vanilla smart casual.
Cost: What you order. Mains (~$15-$30)
Audience: 18+. LGBTQA friendly.

This is a fairly new munch, but I love that we have so many dates and timings for munches now. The feel of the munch is very similar to the U35 munch as the formats are similar. This is a classic munch, in terms of style. By this, I mean that if you randomly pick a munch in a big western city, the restaurant/bar format in a vanilla setting is the most common and traditional format.

The crowd will be slightly older (but mostly below 40) than U35, but there are a wide range of ages showing up, from 18 years old and up. Attendees are friendly to newcomers and the mods take pains to clamp down on creepy/predatory behavior at the munches.

How to attend

Fetlife events are usually posted 1-2 weeks before the event. RSVP on the Fetlife event before the event and you should get an invite with the location

Links

SGDomSub

Type: Hybrid Munch.
Venue:  SEE BELOW
When: Last Wed/Thursday evening of each month, 9:00pm – 12:30am
Dress code: Vanilla to the door. Fetish gear (no boobs/genitals) inside. No shorts/slippers.
Cost: $28 cover charge for 2 drinks
Audience: 18+. LGBTQA friendly.

Note: Due to venue issues, the SgDomSubs munch is currently on a hiatus. The comments below apply to the previous munches held at Taboo.

A little bit of everything. There is a large social component, with some very light play (usually no full-on scenes). There will be a mix of seated and standing groups. Ambience is generally good with dim lighting and there will be light background music.

Attendees usually wear a mix of casual clothes (no shorts/slippers allowed) or fetish gear. Most attendees will be in vanilla clothes, so don’t worry if you don’t have any fetish clothing. Normal bar/clubbing clothes will suffice. Some will show up in office-wear as well.

This is the most publicized munch outside of Fetlife, so there’s usually a pretty high turnover of attendees with a fair number of newbies as well as international visitors.

You’ll get 2 drink coupons with the cover charge, good for beer, wine, and house-pours. I find the house-pours quite weak, but that is a problem with Taboo house-pours in general. Beer and wine are what you’d expect to get elsewhere.

I don’t recommend that total newbies engage in play at the munch for several reasons. All of the commonly used consent/safety frameworks such as SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), PRICK (Personal Responsibility In Consensual Kink) emphasize informed consent. By definition, newbies are less likely to be able to give informed consent because they might not have all the knowledge/information they need to in order to give informed consent or to negotiate properly. For example, newbies may not have sufficient knowledge of risks (where not to hit during impact play, risks of nerve damage for rope, how to do a hand check during rope play for nerve damage, how to safeword (while gagged), why you shouldn’t be left alone after being tied up, etc).

If you do play, please negotiate properly (for both the protection of the top and the bottom). If you don’t know how to negotiate, you probably shouldn’t play. The probability of a bad outcome is significantly higher when you play without a proper negotiation.

How to attend

Show up. They sometimes have the munch on Wednesdays. Please check their FL events for the exact day.

Links

King SG

Type: Munch/Parties
Venue: Varies. Usually in public locations.
When. Saturdays. Join their mailing list to get event notifications.
Dress code: (Munch) Vanilla, (Parties) Vanilla to the door, fetish gear inside
Cost: (Munch) What you order. (Parties) $20+
Audience: 18+. Gay/Bi males.

This entry will be quite brief as the group is very new. But KING is aimed at gay/bi male kinksters. They organize quarterly parties, and munches during the non-party months. PM me for more details about this.

How to attend

Event notices will be sent via email. Please join the mailing list by filling in this form.

Singapore Ethical Non-Monogamy Meetup

Type: Discussion & Social
Venue: Private location
When: Varies but at least monthly, usually weekends
Dress code: Vanilla
Cost: Free. Bring snacks/drinks to share
Audience: 18+. LGBTQA friendly.

This group is focused on building a community of like minded individuals, providing an opportunity to socialize in a safe space and to facilitate discussion on ethical non-monogamy. The meetups usually are a blend of socialization and discussion. Discussion only meetings between main meetings may be added in the future.

As not all polyamorous folks are kinky, there will be both vanilla and kinky folks present. The group is kink-friendly, although much of the discussion will be around vanilla topics related to ethical non-monogamy. I’ve found the discussions to be well facilitated, and the attendees to be thoughtful and candid about sharing their experiences.

How to attend

Run by Rob and Libby. Please send them a message at sgethicalnonmonogamy@gmail.com for more details. Additionally there is an invite-only secret Facebook group for discussion, resources and event planning.

Singapore Centralized Kink Library

OK, it’s not exactly an event, but it’s a great resource! Members of the local community, as well as some kind donors from the US, have donated and lent their books (the paper kind) to create a kink library. It’s got a mix of both fiction and non-fiction kink books on a wide range of topics.

It’s being administered by immoralrestraint and you should contact him via Fetmail to checkout any books you wish to borrow. He can usually be found at the Sunday Munch.

For more details, including the catalog and library rules, please visit the post for the centralized Singapore kink library

Somerville Bowline: A more secure single column tie

When Nawakiri Shin was at the SLAP! rope social in November, he showed us a more secure way to tie a single-column tie called the Somerville Bowline. This was originally invented by @Topologist in 2009.

The most common type of single-column tie, the Boola Boola, has a tendency to collapse if the line tension shifts and comes in from the wrong direction. The Somerville bowline addresses this weakness and is stable under tension from multiple directions. It tends to be a bit looser, and is less suitable for ties that require tight wraps.

The original blog post describing the tie can be found HERE.

Here’s a video tutorial on how to do the Somerville Bowline:

 

Singapore Learn And Play (SLAP!) is a non-profit group that delivers quality learning experiences for the Singapore BDSM community. SLAP! Rope Socials are casual events revolving around rope bondage, meant for both riggers and bottoms. Demonstrate your favorite ties and exchange tips and techniques with other attendees. For more information on our upcoming events, visit our Fetlife discussion group or sign up for our mailing list