So you’ve read 50 shades of stupid 10 times over and it causes a tingle down south. You think you know what BDSM is all about and want to jump right into the action and find a Christian Grey to your Anastasia Steel.
Or, you might have not read that stupid book (yay you!) but have found out that kink interests you.
Whatever the reason, you want to get into the scene and figure out if kink is for you.
How do you do it? How do you protect yourself? How do you know that your pseudo Christian Grey is not in fact a psycho serial killer?
GO TO A MUNCH (I cannot stress this enough.)
Over the years, I’ve heard ridiculous reasons for people not attending a munch. I myself have used some of these reasons to psych myself out of attending munches (when I was young and stupid).
An excerpt from Wikipedia:
A munch is a casual social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM. Munches often take place at a restaurant, bar, or coffee shop.
Munches provide an avenue for kinky people to meet up and socialize – whether to talk about kink, or to talk about what you had for lunch. By going to a munch, you get to meet your local community as well as the community leaders. You meet like-minded people in a non-threatening environment, and you’ll actually find that kinky people are very normal.
For a newbie, taking that first step to go to a munch can seem daunting. I knew a girl who stood outside the munch location and smoked 10 cigarettes while crying (because she was doubting her sanity) before she dared to step in. I too chickened out of my first munch. I was at the doorstep but I made a u-turn and headed into another bar.
Do not be afraid to approach someone, especially if they are a community leader, to ask them to bring you to your first munch.
One of the most pressing concerns when it comes to attending a munch is whether you might bump into someone you know. Don’t forget that if they are at the munch, they will probably feel just as worried as you. As long as no personal information is divulged, there should not be a cause for concern.
Singapore has 2 social munches – the SGDS and U35s groups each run their own munches. SLAP! runs educational discussion groups, which are aimed at educating the community.
Things to take note of when going for a munch
1. Do not wear fetish attire. It is a casual gathering in a public place.
2. Always look out for your own safety. Do not disclose any personal information.
3. Talk to the community leaders. They are there to help integrate you into the group and also to approach if there are any problems.
4. Do not out anyone. If you happen to see someone you know, keep it to yourself. Outting is seen as a serious offence in most communities.
5. Read the community guidelines before attending a munch.
Get to know your community leaders
The people who run the community usually do it out of their own free will. This means that they are all personally invested in the cause to create a safe environment for kinksters and/or curious newbies.
There are 3 main kink groups in Singapore, and each group have their own leadership made up of experienced kinksters. Spend some time to talk to the leaders during munches and/or events, and I assure you that you will get your questions answered or be re-directed to someone who can answer them.
The community leaders are the pillars of your local community. You can approach them if you have any kink-related questions and/or problems.
LEARN before you play.
Research and find out more about kink before deciding to dip your toes in. Think about what you think you might like and dig deeper into the huge information cloud called the internet.
The best site for BSDM socialization would have to be FL. It is not a dating site, but instead hosts many discussion threads based on interest groups. This is a treasure trove of information for any newbie.
In Singapore, SLAP! hosts discussion groups and skill-share sessions aimed at education and focused on safety.
This is a larger topic that cannot be fully covered here. But always remember to look out for your own safety when ever you meet someone new.
SLAP! runs “Kink Basics” sessions repeatedly, and this would be a good place to learn how to start out playing.
The main points are:
1. Safety, Safety, Safety!
2. Always have a safe call
3. Negotiate the scene and set limits (hard and soft)
4. Safe words are important!