SLAP! 2016 Review + 2017 Preview

As we start the new year, we’d like to take the opportunity to review some of what’s been happening at Singapore Learn and Play (SLAP!) during 2016 and talk about what is coming up in 2017.

On top of the discussions,workshops, parties, and rope socials facilitated by the SLAP! mods, we introduced some new formats last year, such as the Kink Geeks Dinner and the D/s Social.

At SLAP!, it has always been our goal to serve as a peer education platform for the Singapore BDSM community, and over the past year, we have had the privilege of hosting workshops by both local and foreign presenters/teachers.

  • YES! How to listen to and say it during kinky fun times by Shivre
  • Introduction to Needleplay and Play Piercing by Foxy
  • The Art and Beauty of Semenawa (責め縄) by subay
  • Rope Clinic by Taniguchi and Kiriko
  • Spanking by Kiriko
  • Caning by PrincessAmmy
  • Fetisch Film Festival screening and discussion

In the coming year, we would like to keep our workshops and events relevant to your needs, and to continue to draw on the diverse skills, talents, and interests of the community.

How you can help

  • Skill-shares,workshops, and discussions: There is such a diversity of kinky talents and interests within the community. We’d like YOU to step up and share your knowledge with the rest of the community to help all of us “level up” together.
  • Event spaces: We are always looking for appropriate spaces (at appropriate prices!) to host our events, be it for discussions, lecture workshops, hands-on workshops, rope spaces, etc. If you know of any kink-friendly spaces or are willing to let us use your private spaces, let us know! We’d be glad to provide references.

SLAP! would like to invite you, as a member of our wonderful community, to get in touch with us at sglearnplay@gmail.com or one of the SLAP! team if you can contribute in one of these ways!

What would you like to know more about?

Tell us more about the topics you’d like us to cover. Some events we’re likely to have in the coming year:

  • Erotic photography, from both sides of the lens
  • Connective body movement
  • Wax play
  • Electro-play
  • Movie discussions
  • Rope and D/s socials
  • Impact play
  • Rope
  • Fetisch Film Festival screening and discussion

Privacy: How to Protect Yours

For many kinksters, privacy is a key concern. However, while there is no foolproof way to maintain your privacy, there are many small steps that you can take to safeguard your identity online. It is relatively trivial to piece together someone’s identity using multiple small pieces of information that can be cross-referenced and linked together. Whilst someone knowing your real first name is unlikely to figure out your identity, knowing your occupation, profile name, and your first name is going to make it much easier for someone to link something up.

In this guide, I’m going to focus on protecting your identity online, and leave the IP anonymity tips to the experts. As I live in Singapore, some of the tips are in the local context, however, I think most should be applicable globally.

Profiles

  • Don’t use the same kinky profile name that you’ve used anywhere else for any non-kink related social media, game, forum, blog, etc. I’ve had a few kinky friends use their kink names for games like Ingress/PokemonGo (GPS-tracking games… what could go wrong here…)
  • Don’t reuse your profile descriptions from OKCupid, Tinder or other vanilla dating sites
  • Kinky “profiles” include Fetlife, Recon, the instant messenger client you choose to use (kik, telegram, Line, wechat, etc), your email address (the part before the @).
  • Create a set of email/messenger accounts that will purely be used for kinky purposes, and are not linked to your vanilla identity.
  • Fetlife’s history feature will also show your previous username if it hasn’t scrolled off. So if you joined the site using an easily identifiable username, I would advise you to start a new account instead of changing the username.

Phone numbers

  • For convenience, many of us give out our phone numbers for whatsapp, SMS or voice contact.
  • Facebook. Don’t give Facebook your phone number. Even if you don’t give Facebook access to your address book or contact list, if your phone number appears in someone else’s address book, Facebook will use this information to make friend suggestions. If you have your face showing in your Facebook photo, someone just found out your real name.
  • Reverse lookups are not terribly difficult to do for phone numbers
  • Your whatsapp name will appear when sending whatsapp messages to new contacts. As I give my number out to both vanilla and kinky folk, I use generic emoji instead of a name in whatsapp. My whatsapp profile photo doesn’t have my face or identifying information.
  • Don’t use messengers that link your phone number for kinky purposes.
  • For maximum privacy, use a burner phone number for kink, preferably pre-paid, and linked only to a dumbphone. That said, the Singapore government requires your ID to be recorded whenever you buy a pre-paid SIM card. Google Voice numbers allow you to have multiple numbers on a single phone.

Pictures/Videos/Images

  • Don’t use any pictures on FL that have ever appeared on any other non-kink related social media. This includes photos of your dog, faceless vanilla photos, etc. Reverse image searches (such as Tineye, Google Image Search) are surprisingly powerful.
  • Don’t have a face photo as the profile photo on your Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn etc. This will make it harder for people to simply browse for your profile if they’ve somehow managed to find out your real name
  • Be careful about identifying marks/information in your photos. This could include jewelry, tattoos, unique scars, etc.
  • Be wary of appearing in the background of photos taken during kink events. Look out for mirrors as well.
  • Strip metadata from your pictures before sending/posting them. Fetlife does this, but if you want to be extra careful, you should use appropriate programs to strip metadata from your photos. Metadata can include the type of device used to take the photo, the GPS location (often your home)
  • Cropped photos often retain the original image in the metadata. It is best to either strip the metadata, or crop out features when taking the photo itself.

Your Job/School

  • This usually comes up during conversation with kinksters that you’ve just met. This is such a common ice-breaking question during vanilla introductions that many people just default to it during kink introductions as well. I politely deflect the question, and if pressed, I just say “no”.
  • Be vague about the industry you work in, and be really careful about naming the exact company that you work for

Things lying in plain sight

  • If you are hosting a play session, you might want to sanitize your home of anything that might reveal sensitive information.
  • This might include: mail, business cards, bank statements, personal correspondence, T-shirts/bags/caps with your company name on it, magazines, Redmart delivery bags, etc
  • Don’t leave your phone lying around during play. Messages often show up on the lock screen, with your vanilla profile name showing.
  • Don’t pass your phone to someone. Messages/emails from your vanilla account might pop up while they are looking at that pretty picture of you in rope.

Transit hotels in Singapore

  • If you use a transit hotel in Singapore for a short-term booking (2+ hours), both of you will be required to hand over your identity documents to the counter staff. If you’re not comfortable with that, don’t use these venues.
  • In addition, the counter staff will simply hand both cards back to one of you when they are done scanning the data. If you don’t want your play partner to know your real name, address, age, NRIC number, etc, you might want to be the one picking the cards up.

Do let me know if you have any further tips and suggestions.

Guide to Singapore BDSM Events

I’ve gotten quite a few questions about the various kink events that regularly happen in the Singapore BDSM scene. The scene has grown rapidly in the last 3 years, and we now have 4-5 kink events happening regularly each month! Yay for choice!

I’ve put down my personal thoughts about the events I regularly attend. Arranged in calendar order. Please feel free to share your own thoughts about the events in the comments.

Singapore Learn And Play (SLAP!)

Type: Education
Venue: Depends on type of event.
When: 1st Saturday of each month. Late afternoon to evenings.
Dress code: Vanilla to the door. Check specific event rules.
Cost: Depends on event. Some events are free.
Audience: 18+/21+ (see SLAP! guidelines). LGBTQA friendly.

If you want to have a safe place to learn more about kink, this is a good place to start. Discussion groups are focused, moderated discussions to share and learn from each other. SLAP runs regular kink 101 discussions targeted towards newbies as well.

Rope and D/s socials are other peer learning formats that SLAP facilitates for the community to learn from each other in an informal setting.

Workshops and skill-shares (conducted by your peers or by visiting experts) are more structured learning experiences. These range from lecture-style, to workshops with demos, and hands-on workshops.

FULL DISCLOSURE. I facilitate SLAP!, but I’ve also found my own skills/knowledge improving as I’ve attended our workshops. It’s fun to eat your own cooking

How to attend

Join the SLAP! group on Fetlife to get notifications about their events. Each event will have its own Google form that you’ll have to fill up to register. (Fetlife event RSVPs don’t count, but are good for telling your friends you’ll be attending). Discussions and 101s are open to all, but other events require vouching. (See SLAP! guidelines).

Links

SG Under 35

Type: Traditional Munch.
Venue: Public. Restaurants and bars.
When: 2nd Saturday evening of each month, 6:30pm – 10:00pm
Dress code: Vanilla casual.
Cost: What you order. Mains (~$15-$30)
Audience: 18 – 35 year olds. LGBTQA friendly.

The U35 munch gives me a safe, comfortable vibe, and I use it primarily to catch up with friends and to make new ones. This is a classic munch, in terms of style. By this, I mean that if you randomly pick a munch in a big western city, the restaurant/bar format in a vanilla setting is the most common and traditional format.

There are a lot of newbies each munch, so newbies don’t need to worry about being the only new person in the group. Attendees are friendly to newcomers and the mods take pains to clamp down on creepy/predatory behavior at the munches. U35 mods will also conduct a short kink basics talk that covers safety, etiquette, consent, and other topics during the munch itself.

You’ll find a wide range of topics going on in the numerous conversations you’ll have throughout the evening. Once most people are done with their meals, they will circulate around to mingle.

How to attend

Join the SG Under 35 group on Fetlife to get notifications about their events. Fetlife events are usually posted 1-2 weeks before the event. RSVP on the Fetlife event at least 5 days before the event and you should get an invite with the location 2-3 days before the event.

Links

Sunday Munch, Adult Supervision Singapore

Type: Traditional Munch.
Venue: Public. Restaurants and bars.
When: 3rd Sunday afternoon of each month, 3:00pm – 6:00pm
Dress code: Vanilla smart casual.
Cost: What you order. Mains (~$15-$30)
Audience: 18+. LGBTQA friendly.

This is a fairly new munch, but I love that we have so many dates and timings for munches now. The feel of the munch is very similar to the U35 munch as the formats are similar. This is a classic munch, in terms of style. By this, I mean that if you randomly pick a munch in a big western city, the restaurant/bar format in a vanilla setting is the most common and traditional format.

The crowd will be slightly older (but mostly below 40) than U35, but there are a wide range of ages showing up, from 18 years old and up. Attendees are friendly to newcomers and the mods take pains to clamp down on creepy/predatory behavior at the munches.

How to attend

Fetlife events are usually posted 1-2 weeks before the event. RSVP on the Fetlife event before the event and you should get an invite with the location

Links

SGDomSub

Type: Hybrid Munch.
Venue: Semi-private. Taboo Bar (67 Neil Rd, Singapore 088897)
When: Last Wed/Thursday evening of each month, 9:00pm – 12:30am
Dress code: Vanilla to the door. Fetish gear (no boobs/genitals) inside. No shorts/slippers.
Cost: $28 cover charge for 2 drinks
Audience: 18+. LGBTQA friendly.

A little bit of everything. There is a large social component, with some very light play (usually no full-on scenes). There will be a mix of seated and standing groups. Ambience is generally good with dim lighting and there will be light background music.

Attendees usually wear a mix of casual clothes (no shorts/slippers allowed) or fetish gear. Most attendees will be in vanilla clothes, so don’t worry if you don’t have any fetish clothing. Normal bar/clubbing clothes will suffice. Some will show up in office-wear as well.

This is the most publicized munch outside of Fetlife, so there’s usually a pretty high turnover of attendees with a fair number of newbies as well as international visitors.

You’ll get 2 drink coupons with the cover charge, good for beer, wine, and house-pours. I find the house-pours quite weak, but that is a problem with Taboo house-pours in general. Beer and wine are what you’d expect to get elsewhere.

I don’t recommend that total newbies engage in play at the munch for several reasons. All of the commonly used consent/safety frameworks such as SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), PRICK (Personal Responsibility In Consensual Kink) emphasize informed consent. By definition, newbies are less likely to be able to give informed consent because they might not have all the knowledge/information they need to in order to give informed consent or to negotiate properly. For example, newbies may not have sufficient knowledge of risks (where not to hit during impact play, risks of nerve damage for rope, how to do a hand check during rope play for nerve damage, how to safeword (while gagged), why you shouldn’t be left alone after being tied up, etc).

If you do play, please negotiate properly (for both the protection of the top and the bottom). If you don’t know how to negotiate, you probably shouldn’t play. The probability of a bad outcome is significantly higher when you play without a proper negotiation.

How to attend

Show up. They sometimes have the munch on Wednesdays. Please check their FL events for the exact day.

Links

King SG

Type: Munch/Parties
Venue: Varies. Usually in public locations.
When. Saturdays. Join their mailing list to get event notifications.
Dress code: (Munch) Vanilla, (Parties) Vanilla to the door, fetish gear inside
Cost: (Munch) What you order. (Parties) $20+
Audience: 18+. Gay/Bi males.

This entry will be quite brief as the group is very new. But KING is aimed at gay/bi male kinksters. They organize quarterly parties, and munches during the non-party months. PM me for more details about this.

How to attend

Event notices will be sent via email. Please join the mailing list by filling in this form.

Singapore Ethical Non-Monogamy Meetup

Type: Discussion & Social
Venue: Private location
When: Varies but at least monthly, usually weekends
Dress code: Vanilla
Cost: Free. Bring snacks/drinks to share
Audience: 18+. LGBTQA friendly.

This group is focused on building a community of like minded individuals, providing an opportunity to socialize in a safe space and to facilitate discussion on ethical non-monogamy. The meetups usually are a blend of socialization and discussion. Discussion only meetings between main meetings may be added in the future.

As not all polyamorous folks are kinky, there will be both vanilla and kinky folks present. The group is kink-friendly, although much of the discussion will be around vanilla topics related to ethical non-monogamy. I’ve found the discussions to be well facilitated, and the attendees to be thoughtful and candid about sharing their experiences.

How to attend

Run by Rob and Libby. Please send them a message at sgethicalnonmonogamy@gmail.com for more details. Additionally there is an invite-only secret Facebook group for discussion, resources and event planning.

Singapore Centralized Kink Library

OK, it’s not exactly an event, but it’s a great resource! Members of the local community, as well as some kind donors from the US, have donated and lent their books (the paper kind) to create a kink library. It’s got a mix of both fiction and non-fiction kink books on a wide range of topics.

It’s being administered by immoralrestraint and you should contact him via Fetmail to checkout any books you wish to borrow. He can usually be found at the Sunday Munch.

For more details, including the catalog and library rules, please visit the post for the centralized Singapore kink library

Private Instruction with Midori!

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Don’t miss this rare opportunity to study and learn from Midori.
Midori offers private instruction on a limited basis to select students.
She coaches individuals and couples. Private workshops for small groups up to 6 people.
Do you seek privacy and discretion in your erotic and personal growth?
Are you searching for advanced skills and unique expertise to guide your explorations?

Dive into your full creative potential.
Gain focused instruction, customized to your interests and learn in-depth with follow up education.

Topics include these listed below – Each lesson will be customized to your needs and goals. She also works with people to set long term growth and study goals.

  • Aural Sex: Seduction by Voice
  • Exploring erotic power and surrender
  • Foundations of being exceptional lovers
  • Art of Feminine Dominance
  • Art of Masculine Dominance
  • Fundamentals of healthy BDSM
  • Advance nuances of kink
  • Best Kink Advice Nobody Told You
  • Art of Flogging – The Modified California Style & the cathartic potential
  • Rope play for passionate play
  • Rope: Speed & Flow
  • Heart of Shibari
  • Better BDSM communication – Get better play
For more information about her classes, go to www.fhp-inc.com

By advance reservation only.

Please contact her directly for tuition rate, requirements and scheduling.


Bio

unnamedMidori is a renowned educator and writer on sexuality. Dubbed “the super nova of kink” by Dan Savage, she emerged from the Sex Positive Movement in San Francisco in the early 1990’s, soon becoming a much sought after international presenter on sexuality, personal fulfillment and kinky adventures.

Her reputation as authority and leading expert on alternative pleasures stem not only from her unique and entertaining process of teaching concrete skills, but in her ability to deconstruct and distill complex matters of desire into surprisingly accessible lessons with eloquence and humanity. She’s known for tackling challenging topics with fresh and relevant insights. She calls this her “head-heart-hands” method to create a space where people are allowed individual self-exploration. Fundamentally she is motivated by helping people to create authentic and intimate relationships while emphasizing self actualization, shame reduction, acceptance and justice.

Her writing is extensive, ranging from numerous articles, columns, works of fiction, to instructional books. She is the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, Wild Side Sex, and Master Han’s Daughter.

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She leads transformative small group intensives, including Rope Dojo ®, ForteFemme: Women’s Dominance Weekend Intensive and Passionate Bonds: Creating Effective D/s Protocol.

When she’s not traveling and teaching, she’s creating provocative and haunting art and performances.

Support her fight against HIV! She volunteers for AIDS LifeCycle.

www.tofighthiv.org/goto/midori
www.FHP-inc.com
www.RopeDojo.com
www.ForteFemme.com
www.passionatebonds.com
Facebook / Twitter / Instagram / Vimeo: @PlanetMidori
FetLife: Midori
PlanetMidori Podcast Diary: http://planetmidori.libsyn.com/podcast

Asia Kink Conference (SG) Events Schedule

SLAP! is pleased to announce a working schedule for Asia Kink Conference (Singapore), including a list of workshop titles and presenters!

Interested?

Registration will open up at 8pm, 24th October, Saturday! For updates, please subscribe to the group Singapore Learn and Play and turn email notifications on.

Event page: https://fetlife.com/events/387683

Vouching requirement: All attendees must be vouched for by one of the SLAP! team. Please look for us at the U35 or SGDomsubs munches before Nov 20th.

*Please note that we reserve the right to make changes to the schedule.

Friday November 20th 2015

8:00 – 8:30pm – Doors open, meet and greet
8:30 – 9:00pm – Opening and Keynote address by ImmoralRestraint and Forsak3n
9:00 – 10:00pm – Audience Q&A with Presenters
10:15 – 11:00pm – Rope performance by Nawakiri Shin

Saturday, November 21st 2015

9:30 – 10:30am – Registration and collection of goody bags
10:30 – 12:00pm – Workshop Session #1 (see below)
12:00 – 2:00pm – Lunch break
2:00 – 3:30pm – Workshop Session #2 (see below)
3:30 – 4:30pm – Break
4:30 – 6.00pm – Workshop Session #3 (see below)
6:00 – 8:00pm – Dinner break
8:00 – 1:00am – Play Party

For the full list of workshop titles and presenters, please click HERE

Asia Kink Con (SG) Rope Instructor/Performer: Nawakiri Shin

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SLAP! is pleased to announce that Nawakiri Shin will be performing and teaching at Asia Kink Con (SG) 2015. (November 20th – 21st)

Nawakiri Shin started learning shibari in 2004. He is a founding member of BDSM.TW, the only BDSM support group in Taiwan, and the author of Essence of Shibari, 繩縛本事, a Chinese book on shibari.

He has performed in various events, both local and international, including Toubaku 2011 in Tokyo, London Festival of the Art of Japanese Rope Bondage 2012 and 2013, Asia Adult Expo in 2013, and in the Taipei Fringe Festival every year during 2011 – 2014. Besides performing, he also teaches shibari classes in Taipei every week.

Early in his career as a rope artist, he developed a reputation for his dynamic style, speedy tying, and dramatic performances. Over the years he has been transitioning into a more intimate, emotional style of bondage, creating a sense of love and connection which he hopes the audience will share.

More about Nawakiri Shin

Workshops taught:

  • Shibari 101. Starting out with rope bondage
  • Tying with connection
  • Intermediate rope

Please join SLAP! and turn email notifications on to receive the latest updates and signup information for Asia Kink Con (SG).

Rope Workshops with Michael Ronsky (27/28 June)

  
A rigger and performer, Michael Ronsky, was in town last weekend and SLAP! had the pleasure of hosting and running 2 workshops with him. 

A few of us did both workshops, and boy was it a rope intensive weekend for us. I’m sure a few of us went back with rope high. I know that my boy and I certainly did. 

I learnt so much from Michael over the weekend, and it was truly money well spent. Even though I already knew a lot of what he taught, I got to see things from his perspective and experience his style. 

I think at some point I let my OCD get the better of me and started focusing too much on technical aspects of ties and how to do it correctly. I’m not saying that isn’t important. It is. But I kept trying to perfect things and forgot to have fun and play. 

This weekend, I learnt how to play again. 

Michael had the riggers blindfolded, and asked us to start with a simple single column around the wrists. From there, we were to forget everything else and just use that one rope we had, and our body, to restrain and play with our bottoms. 

Being blindfolded helped me to forget all the details that I usually focus on so much. It made me focus on my rope, my boy, and our bodies. I’ve never felt this connected to anyone when tying before. And it was fun. We both had such an intense connection that I wasn’t even thinking about the other people in the room. By the time I finally removed my blindfold, I realised that we had been playing for quite awhile and everyone else was done. 

At the suspension workshop the next day, we learnt partial suspensions, but in that same concept of playing. We got our main ties done very technically and structurally sound, and then from there started playing with different ways to move the body around. I’ve always wondered how to do transitions, and I think I learnt exactly how to this weekend. My boy was all blissed out and in rope space after our suspension session. 

It is always interesting to learn from and understand the perspectives and styles of different people, no matter what your experience level is. As long as you keep an open mind when it comes to learning, there’s always something to take away from even the most basic of workshops. 

We at SLAP! are looking forward to bringing in more presenters to share their knowledge and experience with you. 

Basic Rope Handling: Joining/Extending Rope for Shibari

To maintain fluidity and increase the speed of tying, Shibari typically uses medium length ropes of 7-10m. This means that you will have to extend your ropes regularly while tying.

Safety

A knot is required to join the ropes together. If the knot is located at a point where it will place pressure on nerves and arteries, this can be dangerous. Adjust the positioning of the knot to avoid placing pressure over danger points. Common danger points include the nerves under the armpit, as well as radial nerve on the upper arm. The knot should never be under your armpit or on your upper arm wraps in a takate kote.

Methods

1. Lark’s head

  • Your rope needs to have knotted ends.
  • Both ends of the rope must be even. If the ends are uneven, all the pressure will be placed on the longer end of the rope. To remedy this, go to the last point at which the old rope crosses another structural rope, and loop the longer end around it until both sides are even.

2. Sheet Bend (Preferred)

The sheet bend is my preferred method of extending rope as it is more versatile.

  • It works on rope without knotted ends, such as ropes with whipped ends.
  • It works even when the ends of the rope are uneven.
  • It allows you to join a new rope anywhere along the old rope. This is important for avoiding pressure points (see safety note).

There are two commonly used methods. The first involves directly tying a sheet bend. This is my preferred method.

The second method involves separating or splitting the 2 loops of a lark’s head to form a sheet bend. (same video as in part 1)

Singapore Learn And Play (SLAP!) is a non-profit group that delivers quality learning experiences for the Singapore BDSM community. SLAP! Rope Socials are casual events revolving around rope bondage, meant for both riggers and bottoms. Demonstrate your favorite ties and exchange tips and techniques with other attendees. For more information on our upcoming events, visit our Fetlife discussion group or sign up for our mailing list